Math = Love

Monday, November 17, 2014

Things Teenagers Say Volume 21

Because my students have been complaining that I haven't posted any new things teenagers say lately...  And, I don't want them to be sad every time they go to my blog and find no new posts.

For the rest of you, I promise that one of these days I'll find time to post some actual math teacher-y content.  Let's just say life and grad school have been keeping me busy, busy.  :)


Previous Volumes:
Volume 1 | Volume 2 | Volume 3 | Volume 4 | Volume 5  
Volume 6 | Volume 7 | Volume 8 | Volume 9 | Volume 10
Volume 11 | Volume 12 | Volume 13 | Volume 14 | Volume 15
Volume 16 | Volume 17 | Volume 18 | Volume 19 | Volume 20


Ms. Hagan, did you go to squiggly bracket school?  Because you draw them so well.

--

Student: Why are you eating deer food?
Me: What are you talking about?
Student: That - it's deer food.
Me:  Those are pretzels.  I'm pretty sure those are people food.

--

Student: Why is the time on your clock wrong?
Me: I don't know.
Student: Maybe a murderer came in here and changed it.

I'm sure that's the explanation...

--

I went over and talked to him like civilized civilians.

--

Student: Do you hear that ringing sound?
Me: That's the telephone in the teacher's lounge.  It's directly on the other side of the wall from where you're sitting.
Student: Do you ever go and answer the phone in the teacher's lounge?
Me: No.
Student: Why not?  It could be ISIS calling.

--

Me: I killed a mouse in my house this weekend.
Student: You mean your cat killed a mouse this weekend.
Me: Guys, how many times do I have to tell you?  I don't have a cat.
Student:  That's right.  You have cats.  Plural.

--

Does math ever just make you want to punch a baby in the face?

--

If I pull out duct tape, don't worry.  I'm not going to hurt anybody.

--

If you'd give me the answers, I wouldn't call you a "cat lady."

--

Student: Ms. Hagan, you have a different voice when you're talking on the phone.  It's high-pitched and preppy.  
Me: Okay...
Student: It's okay.  I do the same thing when I'm ordering my food at Sonic.

--

Ms. Hagan, if your twitter followers saw how dirty your classroom was, they would not approve.

#OUCH

--

Student: I don't understand how you can't eat meat.  It's the circle of life.  I mean, God gave us meat to eat.
Me: God also gave us vegetables to eat.
Student: If God wanted you to be a rabbit, he would have made you a rabbit.

--

Me: What did you do this weekend?
Student: I got stuck under my house for a couple of hours with a dead squirrel and a couple of snakes.

--

Me: I'm going to go refill my water bottle while you start this problem.
Student: Don't drown in the water fountain.

--

Did you write equations on the candy you gave out for Halloween?

--

They're skipping class.  You need to get your bell and go all Pi Girl on them.

--

Student: Ms. Hagan, how good is your sexual vocabulary?
Me: So, that's not a question you should be asking your math teacher.
Student: Well, somebody called me this name.  And, I'm not sure what it means.  But, I don't want to say it out loud in case it means something bad and you know what it means and I get in trouble.
Me: That's what google is for.  

--

When my students won't quit talking, I will often stand silently until everyone stops talking...

Student: Ms. Hagan, I don't like it when you give us the silent treatment.  
Me: I don't like it when you give me the non-silent treatment.

--

During Friday Funnies: 

Me: What do you have if you have 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 4 apples and 3 oranges in the other hand?  
Student: Well, you definitely don't have scurvy.

--

Did you stick the poster to the door with bubble gum?  Ewwww!

That would be sticky tack...

--

I bet you scared a lot of kids on Halloween.  You probably made them answer math questions to get candy.  Or, you really scared them by giving out math worksheets.

--

Hey, do you know how to cut someone else's finger off?

--

Hey guys, have you ever wondered what Ms. Hagan's children would look like if she had an affair with the principal?

That would be a NO.  

--

I found a random bobby pin on the floor, so I'm going to turn it into a shank.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Things Teenagers Say Volume 20

Takeaways from the latest set of crazy things my kids say in class:

* My students will never stop thinking of me as a crazy cat lady. 

* I've also taken up the title of "crazy plant lady."  And, I do NOT have a green thumb.  

* My kiddos say what they think.  A lot.  


Previous Volumes:
Volume 1 | Volume 2 | Volume 3 | Volume 4 | Volume 5  
Volume 6 | Volume 7 | Volume 8 | Volume 9 | Volume 10
Volume 11 | Volume 12 | Volume 13 | Volume 14 | Volume 15
Volume 16 | Volume 17 | Volume 18 | Volume 19

--

I didn't really know what teachers did after school.

--

Ms. Hagan, everything that you say is really cool is actually really lame.

--

After telling a group of students about my Twitter Math Camp experience...

Student: Could I go with you next year to Twitter Math Camp?  I could be your math camp assistant!  
Me: Ha ha.  I don't think I need an assistant.  
Student:  At golf tournaments, the players have golf caddies.  I could be your calculator caddie. 

--

Student: Slope. Ugh.
Me: Students complaining in class. Ugh.
Student: Go to the office.
Me: Well, then...

--

I can't see that. I'm mentally blind.

--

So, I read stalked you on twitter last night.  I was like: "How funny could a teacher actually be on twitter?!?"  But, then I just sat on my bed and read your twitter and laughed out loud.  You're actually funny!

--  

Student: Can you pull your hair in front of your ears?
Me: Yesssssss...
Student: Will you do it?
Me: Whyyyyyyyyyy?
Student: Well, I've only ever seen your hair behind your ears.  I was starting to wonder if it was surgically attached there. 
Me: Getting back to the lesson now...

--

Student 1: Ms. Hagan, you need to step up your calculator game.
Student 2: Ms. Hagan's calculator game is strong.

--

Could you kiss a pig?  I mean, you can't have meat on your mouth.

--

I thought you would be okay with kissing a pig.  You love animals.  I mean you don't eat them.  

--

Are you going to take your cats trick-or-treating?

--

When you take up for the cats like that, we know you're a cat lady.

--

Why aren't you doing prom?  You could use the extra money you'd make to buy more cat food.

--

You mean this tape measure is in inches?

#yeschildthoseareinches 

--

Are you going to take your mask off in honor of Halloween?

--

Can you desmos this?

--

ALL of your calculators are broken.
 
It turns out hitting the enter button does not turn on a graphing calculator...

--

Do you know what I say when people ask me if I have a math class? I say no; I have a roller coaster class.

--

How could you be scared of Ms. Hagan?  She talks to her plants.

--

People who love math are always lonely. 


Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Spirit Week 2014

This post could be alternately titled: I Am Pi Girl.  This isn't the most math-y post, but if you stick with reading it, you will get to see a picture of me in my mathematical superhero costume. :)

Technically, I get paid by my school district to do two things.  Teach math.  And, oversee the student council.  Math is definitely my forte.  Student council is not.  I was not the type of student in high school who would have joined student council.  And, I would have never volunteered for this position.  But, when they hired me, they needed someone for the job.  And, first-year teacher me did not know how to say "no."  Let's be honest.  Third-year teacher me still doesn't know how to say no, either.

My big responsibility with student council is homecoming.  We design and sell homecoming t-shirts as a fundraiser.  That's always a big stress on me.  So glad that's over with!

Homecoming ended up being reschedule this year.  I'm not even going to try to explain how that happened.

But, last week was Spirit Week.  Take Two.  (Our first spirit week was only two days long due to Fall Break.  We celebrated 'Merica Monday and Twinsie Tuesday).



My StuCo kids decided to go with a Disney theme this year.



Monday was Sleeping Beauty Day.  Much to the dismay of my students, I did NOT wear my pajamas.  Even when I was a student in school, I never participated in pajama day.  There's just something about wearing your pjs to school that doesn't set well with me.  I told my students that I have standards for myself that involve me not wearing my pjs to school. :)


Tuesday was Monsters University Day.  I did participate in this one by representing my alma mater, The University of Tulsa.  Over the course of the day, I was shocked by how many kids didn't know where I went to college.  I told them on the first day of school.  And, I have multiple TU flags hanging in my classroom.  I guess I should really get around to hanging up my college diploma...  Some of my students didn't even know that the college I went to existed.  According to Google maps, it's only 44 miles away from where I teach now.  And, we don't have THAT many colleges in Oklahoma.  I guess this is a sign that I should talk about college more with my students...



Wednesday was Ohana Day.  Apparently, I need to brush up on my Lilo and Stitch knowledge.  Because, I didn't know what the word "Ohana" meant.  But, as I heard a hundred times this week, "Ohana means family.  Family means no one gets left behind." In the past, Hawaiian Day was one of the few spirit days I've participated in.  It's pretty easy to throw on a Hawaiian print blouse and a lei.  But, this year, my mom suggested that I borrow her Hawaiian muumuu.  Yeah...

I tried the dress on, and it was...well...not exactly what I normally wear to school.  It doesn't make sense why I would be so worried about what other people would think of me if I wore this.  Adding a belt to the outfit made it more flattering.  And, I got up the courage to leave the house in it.  What I didn't think about was the weather.  The previous day had been pretty warm.  But, a cold front had blown in the night before.  I have a really bad habit of making wardrobe decisions based on the previous day's weather, and this was no exception.  

The walk from my car to the school in 37 degree weather was QUITE chilly.  (And, for the record, that's 37 degrees Fahrenheit.  For my Celsius-minded readers, that's 2.777 degrees Celsius.)  All day long, my students told me I was insane for wearing a dress in this weather.  At least no one was doubting my school spirit.         


Thursday was Incredibles Day.  We were supposed to dress like our favorite superheros.  This is the day I was most excited for.  As soon as my student council kids planned this day, I started planning my costume.  I was going to be a superhero.  A mathematical superhero.  I mean, what type of superhero could be cooler??? ;)

A few years ago, my church did a castle themed Vacation Bible School.  Since I was emceeing our daily meetings, I dressed up with a cloak and sparkly pink crown.  For the entire week, the kids called me "Queen Sarah."  Some of them would even bow down to me whenever they saw me.  That wasn't exactly what I'd intended...

I texted my mom to see if she knew where my cloak was.  Because, a cloak is awfully similar to a superhero cape...  My original plan was to attach a giant pi symbol to the back of my cape...  But, my sister vetoed this idea.  Eventually, I settled on making a pi shirt to wear under my cape.  The pi symbol was printed out and then cut out of purple felt.  

Yes, I came to school dressed as Pi Girl.

    
My first hour spent quite a bit of time making fun of my cape.  They decided they could do just as good by tying their jackets around their necks.  I thought this made them look like they should be wandering around a country club myself, but...


I really think they were just super jealous of my costume.  I mean, let's be honest.  How many people can pull this off?  PLEASE do not answer that question. :)



Friday was our only non-Disney themed day: Spirit Day.


My student council kids even created our own hash tag for Instagram.  What can I say?  Our homecoming was #legit.


I'm so proud of how hard my student council kids worked to pull this week off.  The amount of thought and effort they put into their own spirit week costumes was inspiring.  I can't wait to see what we come up with for Basketball Homecoming!

Monday, October 20, 2014

Things Teenagers Say Volume 19

The awkwardness level in my classroom can reach epic proportions some days.  I think this post is proof of that.  


Previous Volumes of Things Teenagers Say
Volume 1 | Volume 2 | Volume 3 | Volume 4 | Volume 5  
Volume 6 | Volume 7 | Volume 8 | Volume 9 | Volume 10
Volume 11 | Volume 12 | Volume 13 | Volume 14 | Volume 15
Volume 16 | Volume 17 | Volume 18

Student: How old are you?
Me: Almost 25.  Why?
Student: Does this mean you can't be my bae?  And, I'm almost 18.  It'll be legal soon.
Me: I'm your teacher.  I will never under any circumstances be your "bae."
Student: But, I need a Ms. Hagan in my life.  I mean you're smart.  If we were together, I could work, and then I could come home and you could answer my questions.  Like, what are taxes?  I need someone just like you in my life.  Except you're a vegetarian.  And, I'd want to come home to a steak sometimes.  I'd come home from work and ask what was for dinner.  And, you'd be like "Salad, honey."  
Me: This is officially the weirdest conversation I have ever had with a student.  Thanks.  
Student: Now, imagine you were a high school version of Ms. Hagan.  You know you'd be interested in me!  You would.  Wouldn't you?  
Me: Ummmm....I'm going to go back to grading papers.  And, you're going to go back to working on your homework assignment.  And, we're going to pretend that this conversation never happened.  Okay?  

#mostawkwardconvoever 

--

Me: What is the only number which is spelled in alphabetical order? 
Student: Pi
Me: Pi is not spelled in alphabetical order.
Student: Yes it is!  Oh wait. I forgot.  Pi would be in alphabetical order if it wasn't for the e.

 --

Can we name your aloe vera plant undefined?  Some of its leaves are vertical.

--

Student: Oh, do you mean that one A-Town that's down by Antarctica?
Me: Australia?
Student: Yeah.  That's what it's called. 

--

You can give us homework AFTER football season.

#NiceTry 

--

While writing down something a student said for a future Things Teenagers Say post...

I know what that means.  You're going to put that on your computer thingy.

I guess the word blog isn't in their vocabulary???

--

Homework gives you eye cancer.

Oh really?  

--

You're an algebra teacher who doesn't eat meat.  You have nothing to live for.

--

Ms. Hagan wants to cut off our heads and put them on stakes in her front yard.

Where did that come from?  

--

Stop it!  You are possessing the lights.

--

I'd set you up with my uncle, but he's in jail.

#NoWords 

--

Student: There are two states that he cannot pronounce.
Me: And, what two states are those?
Student: New Zealand and Tennessee
Me: Ummmmmm...one of those is a state.  The other one is a country.

--

Me: What do you call it if the fraction has been flipped?
Student: Abuse.

--

Student: Ms. Hagan, you made my brain hurt today.
Me: Good!  That means I'm doing my job!

--

Me: What would we multiply the numerator and denominator by to get rid of the radical in the denominator?
Student:  Freedom. We would multiply by freedom.

--

Somebody spit their gum out on my desk, and I don't want to get ebola.

--

Ms. Hagan, maybe you should work at Lambert's so you can learn some throwing skills.

--

Student: Ms. Hagan, what was your good thing this weekend?
Me: Well, I went to Oklahoma City on Saturday.  And, I got to spend all day doing math; it was fabulous!
Student: Have you ever thought of maybe getting a husband?  Or children?

--

Can we take a field trip to a slaughterhouse?

--

Normal sharks are the size of a school bus.

--

What would you do if someone put a raw pork chop on your windshield?

--

Me: *Rings Bell*
Entire Class In Unison: You should not be talking.

Apparently I may say that a little too often...

--

Male Student: I have a good thing.
Me: Okay.  What is it?
Male Student: [Female Student], I have a serious question to ask you.
<Very Awkward Pause>
Male Student: Would you go out with me?
<More Very Awkward Silence>

Moving on...
--

Student 1: Did you find any dead animals this weekend?
Student 2: No, but I did find a random man sleeping underneath my house.

--

Ms. Hagan, every time I see math, I think of you.

Awwwwww...  #thatspresh 

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Fall Break

Fall Break is over.

It's kinda sad.  No, it's really sad.

I started Fall Break with grand plans.  I was going to tackle my to do list.  I was going to catch up in life.  Oh, life happened.  That's for sure.  But, I'm not sure I feel any more ahead than I did five days ago.

I marked a few things off of my to do list.  I read a book on approaching life with bravery and courage.  And, I did some things that I wouldn't have had the courage to do a year ago or six months ago or even two months ago.

Tomorrow, my alarm will go off super early.  And as much as I'd rather sleep in and continue this break, I will go into school.  And, I will put a smile on my face.  That smile might be a little forced at first, but it will soon be replaced with a genuine grin that I can't help.  I will continue teaching my 101 students that they CAN do math.  I will remind them that their future is not defined by their past but by the amount of hard work they are willing to put in.  I will challenge them.  I will push them.  I will make a fool of myself trying to convince them that math is awesome.  We will laugh.  We will joke.  We will learn algebra and trig.  

And, when they complain and say things like "Ms. Hagan, you make my brain hurt," I will just smile and say, "You're welcome."

I. love. this. job.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Things Teenagers Say Volume 18



Check out Previous Volumes of Things Teenagers Say
Volume 1 | Volume 2 | Volume 3 | Volume 4 | Volume 5  
Volume 6 | Volume 7 | Volume 8 | Volume 9 | Volume 10
Volume 11 | Volume 12 | Volume 13 | Volume 14 | Volume 15
Volume 16 | Volume 17

--

You realize that Santa Claus is just your dad's mom, right?

--

If the Big Bad Wolf came around Drumright, the whole town would fall down.

--

Ms. Hagan, you are cuter than a box of baby ducks. 

--

Student 1: Did you play a sport last year?
Student 2: I don't mean to brag, but I was the starting quarterback on the ineligible list last year.

--

Student: Ms. Hagan, would you ever consider marrying a guy to help him get in the country?
Me: Where did that come from?!?
Student: Oh, I saw it in a movie once, and you just seem like the type of person who would do that.
Me: Let's get back to the lesson now...

--

Student: I have to redo my interactive notebook.
Me: Why?
Student: I accidentally dropped my notebook in bleach.
Me: How do you accidentally drop your notebook in bleach?
Student: Well, I was cleaning my bathtub and studying my notebook at the same time.  And, I kinda dropped it in the bleach.

--

Student reading a laffy taffy joke: What store are dogs afraid of?
Me: I don't know. What store are dogs afraid of?
Student: The flea market.
Me: Ummm...that's not actually a type of store.  And yes, I realize I'm making fun of a laffy taffy joke.  
Student: Ms. Hagan, have you heard your own jokes?

--

Me: I don't have any pets. 
Student: We know, but you do have plants.  Do you know that's what my mom refers to you as?  Ever since my sister had your class, my mom has called you "The Plant Lady."

--

It looks like a unicorn threw up in my bag. 

--

Me: What are you doing?
Student: I'm licking this aloe vera leaf.  I wanted to know what it tasted like.  

--

While playing the Zombie game...

Ms. Hagan, I gave the board lots of kisses.

--

You do realize that I'm a sophomore right?  I'm going to put your head in the toilet.

--

I like torturing my animals, but I don't like killing them.

--

Me: Class, does anybody have a good thing to share?
Student: I don't have ebola.

--

Ms. Hagan, you won't agree to marry me, so you have no reason for life.

--

Me: Open your notebooks to page 41.  Por favor.
Student: Why are you calling me poor?

--

You don't have to be a doctor to tell someone what color of hair they have.

--

One Student to Another: Why are you dressed so decent?  You're not at a wedding. And, nobody died.

--

Ms. Hagan, you sound like a different person on the phone.

--

While working on a challenging problem...

Me: What's the first thing one should do if they're stuck?
Student: Call a tow truck.

--

I think Ms. Hagan is the type of person who if she ran over a cat would call her mom to tell her what a terrible person she must be.  Then, she would need to go to counseling and take medication for the rest of her life.

--

Did you hit on [another student]'s mom when you were at his house?

--

Do you know what makes me so happy?  Every time someone buys something made out of snake skin, a snake dies!

--

We do not rise by lifting others.  We rise by burning villages.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

October...

If you asked me what my favorite month of the year was, I probably wouldn't say October off the top of my head.  But, as I sit here to write this post, I can't help but think about how excited I am about this month.  October - the month where the weather finally starts to cool down so I can wear my cute fall boots, sweaters, and scarves without melting.  October - the time of year where I can live for a few weeks without turning the air conditioner or the heater on in my house.  October - the month of Halloween decorating and consuming WAY too much candy.  And by candy, I obviously mean chocolate. :)  October - time for visiting pumpkin patches and exploring corn and hay mazes.  It's also the month of Fall Break and Homecoming.  Plus, in Drumright, October means the Oilpatch Jamboree.

This summer, I picked up a couple of Halloween decorations at a yard sale.  I've never decorated my classroom for Halloween before, but there's no reason I can't start now.

Haunted House tape around the door.  My coworker asked me what was up with the caution tape.  Is your classroom a crime scene?  Ummmm....it very clearly says "Haunted House."


Pumpkin lights on my desk.


Were my kiddos impressed with all the hard work I put into decorating?  (Because, you know, it's so hard to plug in a string of lights and ask your student aide to wrap tape around the door...)  No.  When they saw the decorations, they wanted to know where the spiders, spider webs, and bats were.  #Sigh

Another student noted that my haunted house was missing a witch.  Then, they corrected themselves and said that they had forgotten that there already was a witch in the room...

The Oilpatch Jamboree festival was earlier this month.  I worked the Friends of the Library table where we sold cotton candy and bookmarks that were decorated by the 3rd and 4th graders at our elementary school.  The Oilpatch Jamboree is a celebration of all things Oilpatch.  We boast that we have the "most unique parade in the oilpatch."  I'm not sure if that's verifiable, but I can say that it's the only parade I've ever seen that features oil field equipment as parade entries.  After a 5k run, the parade, and pageant, the town flocks to a park full of vendors for food, fun, and music.


Here are the bookmarks we sold.  The kids did a fantastic job of decorating them!


Somehow, I became the person in charge of making the cotton candy.  Have I ever made cotton candy before in my life?  That's a definite no.  I've eaten cotton candy, but I'm not sure that counts.

Luckily, our elementary school principal showed us how to make a batch before leaving my landlady and me on our own.


I did buy myself a new fall decoration while at Oilpatch.  A chevron, burlap pumpkin.  When I went to hang it up in my classroom, I could only find one place that it would fit.  This is actually the place on my classroom wall where I'm going to hang my college diploma when I finally get around to framing it.  (I did buy a frame for my diploma at the end of this summer.  I'm making progress.  It may be slow progress, but it is progress.)
After hanging my pumpkin, I stepped back to admire my work.  That's when I realized that I had just transformed my pumpkin wall hanging into "pumpkin pi."  I think it's fitting.  I shared my excitement over this accidental mathematical statement with my students.  Most of them rolled their eyes at me.  Oh well.  It makes me smile...    



Other notable things from Oilpatch:

There was a Big Foot sighting.  There were also little kids screaming and crying their heads off for fear of Big Foot.


And, I got what every vegetarian needs: this notepad.


All in all, it was a great first Oilpatch experience for me.  The past two years, I've skipped Oilpatch because I felt like everybody in this town knows everybody and I know nobody.  It's taken some time, but I've finally started making friends and connections in this town.