Math = Love: Things Teenagers Say...Volume Five

## Saturday, December 14, 2013

### Things Teenagers Say...Volume Five

Actual Conversations of Late

(Some of these are from a couple of months ago.  I write them down on post-it notes when they occur, and these post-its got buried on my desk.  Imagine that...)

Previous Volumes

Student: Do you believe in ghosts?
Me: No
Student: You know this school is haunted, right?
Me: We need to move on with our lesson.  If it was Halloween, I would be more than happy to talk about ghosts.  Sadly, it's Christmas.  And, Christmas has nothing to do with ghosts.
Student: What about the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future?
Me: Well...you've got me there.  We still have to get back to our lesson, though.
Another Student: You just got boomeranged!

Apparently, one of our English teachers calls it boomeranging someone when you prove them wrong.  I guess they did boomerang me...

--

Student: Okay.
<Two minutes later>
Me: I can see that.  Put up your phone.
Student: Oh, I really thought you weren't going to see me that time.
Me: Don't you know I have an all-seeing eye?
Student: What?
Me: I have an all-seeing eye.
Student: You have an ulcer in your eye?
Me: No...

--

I don't know why I'm like this today.  Usually, everything you say is NOT funny to me..  But, today everything you say is funny.  I guess it's the Christmas spirit inside of me or something.

Thanks...

--

<While discussing a future relationship situation that I might find myself in someday.  For this to make sense, you do have to know that I'm a vegetarian.>

He'll be eating a 48 ounce steak, and you'll be eating a 48 ounce salad.

This was followed, of course, by uproarious laughter from my entire class.  Oooh...what would a 48 ounce salad look like?  What size bowl would it be in?  I can see a math problem forming...

--

While making an ordered pair foldable:

Me: When you open up the outside flaps of the foldable, you will find another foldable inside.  Isn't it just adorable?
Student: I see what you did there.
<Laughter>
Me: I don't get it.
Student: A"door"able
Me: Pun unintended.  That time.  It will be definitely intended, though, for the rest of the day!

--

Me: Can you believe that tomorrow is November?
Student: No.  What month comes next?  January?

Obviously, this conversation took place on Halloween...

--

Student: Why do we have to go to school on Halloween?
Me: Because it's not a National holiday.
Student: But, they celebrate it all across the US.  Doesn't that make it national?

I guess I should have said federal holiday.  They did have a point.

--

After telling students a joke that a kid at my church shared with me:

"That's so funny I fell off my pet dinosaur."

"That's so funny I have tears running down my leg."

--

I named my fish "Smithy."  It's actually short for "Will Smith."  I named him that because he's my only black fish.

So terrible.

--

So, you drive a grandma car, you own a bunch of cats, and you have a box of barbies in your cabinet.  I'm worried about you.

My students make me feel so loved.  And, for the record, I do not own a cat.  And, I don't think I drive a grandma car.  I do have a box of barbies, however.  How else could we do Barbie Bungee later in the year???

--

One day, I didn't notice the lights flicker.  This led to this proclamation:

"Either we're all on meth and you're not, or you're on meth."

--

Ms. Hagan, I have something I need to get off my chest.  My cousin thinks you're cute, and he wants me to ask you out for him...but he's kind of a blank space...

I have no idea who her cousin is, and I don't even want to know.

--

Me: Why does everybody keep commenting on my hair?
Student: Well, it does look like you just woke up.
Another Student: Have you been outside recently?
Me: No.
Yet Another Student: Maybe you've stood by an open window recently?  (I think this girl was really trying to make it better...)
Me: No.

Next time, I will just keep my observations to myself!

--

Me: If you can't be kind, be quiet.
Student: Wait!  I thought it was if you can't be kind, say two nice things.

--

I saw hexaflexagons in my dream last night.

Yes!

--

Student: Ms. Hagan, can I come in here at lunch?
Me: Yes.  You can always come in my room at lunch.
<Student stalks off, angrily.>
Student: I have black contacts in.  No one has noticed my different eye color all day.

--

While going to the water fountain to refill my water bottle:

Student: What's the name of your bottle?
Me: George
Student: Mine is named Franklin.

And, for the record, his bottle was ghost-shaped because it was one of those Halloween party favors.  And, I actually don't refer to my bottle as George.  I made up a name on the spot just to see how my student would respond.

--

Student: What day do we get out for Christmas Break?
Me: December 20th
Student: You mean they're making us come to school on Christmas Eve?!?
Me: No, we don't have school on Christmas Eve.
Student: What day is Christmas?
Me: What day do you think Christmas is?
Student: Well, I thought it was on the 21st, but that would make Christmas Eve on the 20th.  And, you said we didn't have school on Christmas Eve.

--

Student: Are you Amish?
Me: No
Another Student: Just to be honest, you do look Amish.  You have an Amish haircut.

Because side-swept bangs and lots of layers just yells Amish, right?

--

Student: I'm so excited.  The Dallas Cowboys are going to be playing the Green Bakers.
Me: Who are they going to be playing?
Student: The Green Bakers.
Me: Are you sure they're going to be playing The Green Bakers?
Student: Yeah.
Me: I don't know a lot about football, but I'm pretty sure they're going to be playing The Green Bay Packers.
Student: That's what I said.

#### 1 comment:

1. LOL Most of my FB posts are about what happens in the classroom too.