Previous Volumes of Things Teenagers Say
Me: You must show your work. No work equals no grade.
Student: But, Jesus didn't have to show his work when he built the ark!
Me: Nice try, but Jesus didn't build the ark.
Student: Oh, I meant Moses didn't have to show his work when he built the ark.
Me: Yeah, Moses didn't build the ark either.
Student: I really thought Joseph was the one who built the ark.
Me: You said Jesus earlier, not Joseph. But, Joseph didn't build the ark either.
Student: Okay. Last try. Marco Polo is the one who built the ark.
Yeah... I guess I should be impressed that they have heard of Marco Polo.
I always have a tray of loose leaf notebook paper for students to use if they need it. Some of it is a little old. But, it still works.
Student: Can I use this prehistoric paper?
Me: Please stop pulling out other people's hair.
Student: Well, she pulled a hair out of my face, so I had to pull out one of her hairs.
A lady at my church asked me to give my students some Family Feud style questions for a Christmas party she was planning. This was one of the questions.
Me: Name an animal you would find in the desert.
Student: A cactus.
Me: A cactus is not an animal.
Student: Yes it is. They move.
Me: Cacti do not move.
Student: Yes they do. I saw it in a movie. If it wasn't true, they wouldn't have put it in the movie.
Me: I went to the zoo this weekend.
Student: Did you see your cousins?
Student: Your legs look nice. Oh, you're wearing panty hose. That's why. I'm going to have to get me some panty hose so my legs look nice.Me: And, that's not awkward at all.
Student: It's only awkward because you just made it awkward.
No, I'm still pretty sure it was just awkward to begin with.
One of my student's theory on my future:
First, he buys you flowers. Then, he buys you chocolate. Then, he buys you jewelry. Then, he proposes. Then, you get married. Then, you have kids. Then, you start fighting. Then, you get a divorce. Then, you die alone, surrounded by your cats.
Math is so terrifying. It shows me how big and scary the world really is.
Student: Have you ever had your house egged?
And, this is why my students do not and should not know where I live!
Me: Today, we're going to calculate the probability of winning the game of craps.
Student: Don't you mean the game of crabs?
Another Student: Yeah, I'm pretty sure the game is called crabs.
Me: No, actually it's called craps.