Volume 01 | Volume 02 | Volume 03 | Volume 04 | Volume 05
Volume 06 | Volume 07 | Volume 08 | Volume 09 | Volume 10
Volume 11 | Volume 12 | Volume 13 | Volume 14 | Volume 15
Volume 16 | Volume 17 | Volume 18 | Volume 19 | Volume 20
Volume 21 | Volume 22 | Volume 23 | Volume 24 | Volume 25
Volume 26 | Volume 27 | Volume 28 | Volume 29 | Volume 30
Volume 31 | Volume 32 | Volume 33 | Volume 34
Student: What is their meat made out of in Australia?
Whole Class: [Shocked Silence]
Student: Well, I don't know if they have cows. So, I thought they might make their beef out of something else.
Ms. Hagan is cooler than you. Don't mouth her!
Do you have a separate credit card just for buying cat food?
I like to live dangerously. I play the Wii without the safety strap.
My life goal is to staple pudding to a tree.
A student blew a bubble with his gum and slapped his face to pop it. Here's the conversation that ensued:
Me: Is that a normal thing to do?
Student: Yes. Are you telling me you've never done that?
Me: I actually can't blow a bubble with gum.
Me: It's okay. I don't actually like gum.
Student: You don't like gum?!? That's like saying you don't like meat.
Me: [Awkward Silence]
Student: Don't tell me that you're one of those vegan people!
Me: Well, I can tell you that I'm not vegan. But, I am a vegetarian.
Student: [Awkward Silence]
For one of our Homecoming Spirit Days, we had Past vs. Future as the theme. Many students came to class dressed as babies. One girl even went as far as to wear an adult diaper on the outside of her clothing.
Student: I need to change my diaper. It ripped.
Student: But, I can't just throw my diaper in your trash can. It would look weird if there was a diaper in your trash.
Me: There's a trash can in the hall. You could throw it away out there.
Student: But, that would be weird if someone saw me throwing away a diaper in the hall.
Me: I don't know what to tell you then. I've never had this problem before.
Student: I'll put it in a Sonic bag in your trash so it doesn't look weird.
Me: Everyday is a good day to do math!
Student: You need some hamburger or something in your life. Then, maybe you wouldn't think like that.
Ms. Hagan, your hair is on my paper.
Student: Can I ask you a question?
Student: WHAT ARE THOSE??? [pointing to my shoes]
Another Student: Wow, we didn't think you'd have the courage to go through with that.
Me: I am so confused.
A third student: It's a vine.
Me: That explains it. I don't understand what your generation's obsession with vines is, though.
Third Student: You should really watch this one. They go up to a police officer and point at his shoes because they are weird looking.
Me: Oh, does that mean you think my shoes are weird looking? I. Am. Offended.
Student: Shut up, guys. You're going to get me in trouble. I think your shoes look just fine, Ms. Hagan.
Two minutes later..
Student: Oh my goodness, guys. She's wearing Crocs. Why didn't you say Crocs when I asked you what you were wearing? That would have been epic.
[For the record, they are Crocs dress shoes.]
Me: Mathematicians have nightmares about having radicals left in the denominator.
Student: Do they really?
Student: I know what my Halloween costume is going to be now. I am going to dress up as 2/Radical 7.
Because Ms. Hagan is a vegan, she will never experience the pleasure of eating a burger in the bathroom.
If I was a goat, could I still be in this class?
One student to another: I'm going to knock the slope out of you. That's a math threat!
Student: Guys, I saved a life today!
There was a big truck coming up the hill.
[Another dramatic pause]
So, I grabbed a turtle out of the road and put it in some random person's yard.