Check out previous issues of Things Teenagers Say:
Volume 01 | Volume 02 | Volume 03 | Volume 04 | Volume 05
Volume 06 | Volume 07 | Volume 08 | Volume 09 | Volume 10
Volume 11 | Volume 12 | Volume 13 | Volume 14 | Volume 15
Volume 16 | Volume 17 | Volume 18 | Volume 19 | Volume 20
Volume 21 | Volume 22 | Volume 23 | Volume 24 | Volume 25
Volume 26 | Volume 27 | Volume 28 | Volume 29 | Volume 30
Volume 31 | Volume 32 | Volume 33 | Volume 34 | Volume 35
Volume 36 | Volume 37
Why does my infinity symbol look like a pizza?
Me: Sorry, I'm a germophobe.
Student: Hey! Germs have feelings, too!
Student: Are you a germophobe? You're always using hand sanitizer.
Me: I don't know who has touched that before, and I don't want to get sick. Just think, the person sitting in your desk last hour could have had a cold.
Student: I think you just turned me into a germophobe!
Starting over in relationships is awkward.
Student 1: I didn't know you worked at [a steakhouse]. Does that mean you could cook me a mean sirloin?
Student 2: Uh...
Student 1: That was a test. I like my sirloin nice.
Student 1: I really want to know if I'm still going to be listening to Drake when I'm 80.
Student 2: You won't be able to hear when you're 80.
Is -1 times -1 kind of an awkward positive?
Student 1: We need to have a jam session.
Student 2: [Explaining] It's where you make jelly in groups.
I don't have tighty whities. I have Fruit of the Loom Boxer Briefs!
The woman takes the man's name. It's in the Geneva Convention.
It's satisfying how thick our notebooks are!
You can love someone and cheat on them. A lot of people think you can't, but you can.
Student 1: For a rich guy, he sure had a bad haircut! [Pointing to a poster of Einstein]
Me: Was he rich?
Student 1: He did invent the light. He had to be rich.
Me: Einstein didn't invent the light bulb. Class, who invented the light bulb?
Student 2: Benjamin Franklin?
Student 3: Thomas Jefferson?
Student 4: President Eisenhower?
Me: Definitely not.
Student 5: I think his name was Thomas.
Student 5: Thomas Edison!
Me: Yes! Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.
I'd eat my baby if I was starving.