Math = Love: Things Teenagers Say Volume 17

## Tuesday, September 30, 2014

### Things Teenagers Say Volume 17

So, apparently, my blog posts about things teenagers say has become the new, cool thing for the students at my school to read.  They've started reading them and trying to guess who said what.  High school students reading a math teacher blog.  Who knows where this could lead?  I know that my decision to become a math teacher was influenced by the fact that I started reading math teacher blogs in high school.  Maybe one of my students will take a similar route some day???

Previous volumes of Things Teenagers Say
Volume 1 | Volume 2 | Volume 3 | Volume 4 | Volume 5
Volume 6 | Volume 7 | Volume 8 | Volume 9 | Volume 10
Volume 11 | Volume 12 | Volume 13 | Volume 14 | Volume 15
Volume 16

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Ms. Hagan, is your house number 314?  Because that would be awesome.  Your next house should have that house number!

What if you painted your house number on your mail box so it was a math problem that the mail person had to solve?  Could we help you do that?

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If I ever get in a fight with her, I'm going to put on mittens.

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Slope Dude makes the world go round.

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Student 1: Do you have a life outside of school?
Me: Duh!  Of course I have a life outside of school.
Student 2: And, what do you do outside of school?
Me: I spend my time coming up with fun math activities and creative ways for you guys to take notes.
Student 2: So, basically, you're saying that we are your life.
Student 1: No, she's saying that I am her life.
Me: Yes.  Student 1, you are my life.
Student 2: Wait, I thought I was your life.
Student 1: We'll fight over this after school.  We're going to fight over you.  Only one of us can be your life.

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Student 1: Oh come on!  You can tell us!  We won't tell anybody.
Student 2: Guys, there's a 50/50 chance that Ms. Hagan has had her first kiss.

What does this say about me that at nearly age 25 they think there is a 50% chance that I have never had my first kiss???  And, to those of you reading this, the answer to this question is also none of your business. :)
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Guys, can you imagine what it would look like if Ms. Hagan was fighting someone?  She would probably throw a calculator at them, hit them with a ruler, and stab them in the eye with a protractor.

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Ms. Hagan is my homie.  Seriously, she's my favorite teacher because she helps me with my grades and she ain't even rude.

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By the trivia questions you ask us, we can tell that you have no life.

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Student 1: Did you ever use one of those computers with the box on the back?
Me: What do you mean a box on the back?
Student 1: I don't exactly know how to describe it.  But, it looked like there was a box on the back of the screen.
Me: Oh, you mean a non-flat screen monitor.  Yes, I've used one of those before.
Student 2: You've actually used one before?!?  Have you ever see one of those tvs with the box on the back?
Me: Ha ha.  Yes, I've used one of those tvs with the box on the back.  When I was a kid, that's all there was.  The tv we had when I was growing up was inside a wooden console.  It was a legitimate piece of furniture.  And, it had buttons for each of the channels next to the screen.  Every time you turned the television off, it would revert to channel 2.
Student 2: Wow!
Student 3: I saw this big tv once that they probably could have watched Jesus' birth on.

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Student: I saw a floppy disk in a museum once.
Me: Do you know how much data a floppy disk can hold?
Student: 1 gig.
Me: Ha ha ha.  No.

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Student: I have an unborn fondness for math.
Me: You have a what???
Student: Oh, I have an inborn fondness for math.

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I love math.  Math is my destiny.

We'll ignore the sarcasm that was dripping from that sentence...

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He's not in a relationship.  He's in an extended friendship.

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My circle looks like a "squoval."

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If the object of math was to not get the right answer, I would be the best!

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Me: Class, NEVER divide by zero.  It will cause the world to explode.
Student 1: So we could be like Osama Math Laden and make things explode by painting "divided by zero" on them?
Student 2: What if somebody painted 2 divided by zero on your car?  Would it explode if you got into it?

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I want to dissect a cow tongue.  That sounds amazing.

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After sharpening their pencil with the world's most amazing pencil sharpener:
I could stab somebody with this!

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Ms. Hagan, I was doing the dance from Gettin' Triggy Wit' It, and my cheerleading coach made me stop.  She said it was inappropriate.  So, I told her that you taught it to us in class.

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After using the document camera to demonstrate something:

You look like you have soft hands. Are your hands soft?

#Notanawkwardquestionfromateenageboyatall

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I love my notebook.  I'm going to keep this thing forever.

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Me: Are you staring off into space or are you using the number line?
Student: I'm floating down the number line in my space ship.

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To the student who decided to pull down his sweatpants during class, you certainly made life interesting.  I'm thankful that you were wearing shorts under your pants.  When I asked you why you insisted on walking around the classroom with your sweatpants around your ankles, I certainly wasn't expecting this response:

When your pants are down, you're prepared for anything.

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Does anybody know where I can buy a cute boyfriend for fall?  I need one.

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Can I show you a video my friends and I made this weekend?  We were pretending to make whale constipation noises.

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Student: Ms. Hagan!  I need to take your picture before class is over.
Me: WHY???
Student: I need your picture so I can post it on Drumright Singles on Instagram for you.
Me: Uhhhhh....no.  There is no way you are posting my photograph on the Drumright Singles page.

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Student 1: Have you ever been to Dillards?
Me: Yeah.
Student 2: Isn't that like a sex shop?
Me: No.  It's a department store.

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You are pond water.
I am Fiji Water.

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Can I rise 2 and jog 3 instead of rise 2 and run 3?  We've got a football game tonight, and I need to conserve my energy.

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Me: It looks like a tornado came through my room.
Student: Actually, there are lots of tornadoes in here right now.
Me: Touche.

Our school mascot is the tornado...

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Said with much sarcasm...

Me: I love technology.
Student: Technology does not love you.

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On the THIRD day of the school year:

Student: You're a good teacher.
Me: You barely know me.
Student: I've heard good review of you from last year though.