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Student 1: Will I get my phone back at the end of the hour?
Student 2: She's eating a banana, so obviously not.
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Did you know that in an alternate universe that might actually make sense?
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Mrs. Carter, you may think someone took my notes for me, but my handwriting is just on point today.
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Student: Are your husband's legs still dark from the summer?
Me: Ummm...I'm just going to walk away now and pretend you didn't just ask that.
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Don't ever bite into soap!
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Dude! She's never brushed her teeth with deodorant before!
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I write my 2's like an adult now.
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I want to skip school in my closet.
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You have a mom, too?!?
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Why does spaghetti smell like puke when you go to wash the pan out?
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I love sneezing.
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I locked him in my trunk one time.
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I don't smell like cigarettes. I smell like laundry detergent.
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Guys, I almost didn't wear a hat this morning. I woke up and looked in the mirror. My hair looked like a rooster. It looked like a good rooster!
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Student 1: You don't like peanut rolls?!?
Student 2: No, I said I don't like funerals!
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You know what's fun? Not being single.
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Do you remember how you didn't like the word "gizzards" in the fourth grade?
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Student 1: Can we listen to the Hamilton soundtrack?
Student 2: We're reading Hamilton in English class!
Student 1: Really?
Student 3: No, we're reading HAMLET.
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I have a box of playing cards in my room to use for stats experiments and various activities.
Do you want to play 120,000 card pick up?
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Did you know that if you add five years to your age it will tell you how old you will be in five years?
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Student 1: My Christmas tree weighs over 300 pounds.
Student 2: There's no way that your tree weighs as much as a semi truck.
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After sending a student to borrow graphing calculators from my husband's classroom:
He really is Australian!
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When you wear fancy slacks that zip up the back instead of the front...
Are your pants on backwards?
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Jesus loves you. But, he doesn't love you anymore because you kicked my friend out of lunch detention.
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They are bottle flipping, but my religion is against that. Can you please tell them to stop?
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Student: Is it possible for a Mexican student to fail Spanish class?
Me: I don't know. We speak English. Do any of our students fail English class?
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You need to tell Mr. Carter to step up his game. His room is not as colorful as yours.
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They have Subway in Australia? I didn't even think they had towns there.
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So if you're blind and eat carrots, do you get your eyesight back?
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Me: Stop burping.
Student: What? This isn't a free country?
Me: It's not a free country when you're in lunch detention.
Student: That's not what the Bible says!
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Student 1: They are going to deport Trump.
Student 2: That could happen. He's Swedish.
Student 1: He is pretty sweet.
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Student: My hand is cramping. I'm going to have arthritis because of you!
Me: That's why we completed our notebook over the course of the entire semester. You're trying to do it all in one day. Of course your hand hurts!
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Thank you so much for doing these. It is great comic relief after a rough day at work and a bit calming to know my students aren't the only ones that say silly things!! I love this!
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