Check out previous issues of Things Teenagers Say:
How am I not supposed to worry when your ones look like twos?
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Student: Mrs. Carter, can you eat butter since you're a vegan?
Me: I'm not a vegan. I'm a vegetarian.
Student: What's the difference?
Me: Vegans don't eat any eggs or dairy products. They don't even eat honey.
Student: Why?
Me: Honey comes from bees.
Student: Woah.
Me: They also don't wear leather since it comes from cows.
Student: Do they wear anything?
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Student 1: Why do students keep saying you are pregnant?
Me: That rumor has been going around for the entire six years I have worked here.
Student 2: Yeah. Someone said it must be twins because you've been pregnant for so long.
Me: What?
Student 2: Can you believe that some students at our school think you have to be pregnant for 18 months to have twins?
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Don't leave me with these heathens.
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They treat us like slaves in this school. I don't come to school to be told what to do. I come to see my friends and play sports. I'm not learning anything.
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Food and cats. Aren't those the same thing?
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He'd never survive in a gunfight. They'd tell him to take ten paces. He would take five and turn around and shoot. Then, he'd be an outlaw.
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Do trees shrink when they get older?
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Student 1: Mrs. Carter, it's 12 days until our birthday!
Me: I know! I'm excited.
Student 2: You're going to have a birthday?
Me: Yes. I'll be 28.
Student 1: 28? You look like a mom!
Student 3: A cat mom.
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Me: What do we use to measure time?
Student: A ruler.
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What would you do if Mr. Carter ever left you? A cat would always be there for you.
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Student 1: The cat I want is like $3000.
Student 2: Is it a tiger?
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Student 1: We need to do the quiz on Thursday because I might not be here on Friday.
Me: Why?
Student 1: My puppy died.
Student 2: Today is Tuesday. If your puppy died, why would you be gone on Friday?
Student 1: We're going to have its funeral on Friday.
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Me: When I was in school, I learned "My very excellent mother just served us nine pizzas" to remember the planets. But, now that Pluto is no longer a planet, I'm not sure how they are teaching it in school.
Student: Didn't Pluto get blown up?
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Student: Mrs. Carter, do you know what the best way to eat bananas is?
Me: No.
Student: Trash.
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One freshman student to another: You look old. You look like a grown woman. Your face looks like that of a 40 year old.
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Student 1: Can we name the tree Bob?
Student 2: The tree can't be named Bob. We already had a problem with Bob emptying out his swimming pool.
Student 1: So why can't our tree also be named Bob?
Student 2: Trees can't empty out pools or even swim in them in the first place.
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Student 1: We don't have school next week.
Student 2: That's how Thanksgiving Break normally works.
Student 1: Rude! What would you say if I said I was dying?
Student 2: I would say, "Of course you are dying. I can see the blood stain on the carpet."
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Me: What is special about mapping diagrams that will help us with finding domain and range?
Student: Mapping diagrams show love to the oval shape.
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Instead of writing "It passes the vertical line test," I'm going to write VLT-Approved.
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One time I sneezed back in Vietnam...
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It reeks in here. It smells like rabbit.
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LOL I love this! I am inspired to start a TTS journal in my classroom!! :)
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